Weary

WEARY

wrap your arm around my waist
pull me closer
tighter

I want flesh on flesh
to feel your smothness
rough hairs and sweat

slick

My thighs surround your hips
carnival of motion
hips circling
clenching
bending

Kiss me there
once 
never more than once

Hold that
let its heat warm your palm
its yours for the moment
a single moment

Bring me to my knees
massage my shoulders
never forceful
soft intent

Come in closer
faster
harder

arching my back
entwine my hair within you
lost in it's flow
turn me 
stroke my thigh

our tounges travel
explore
leave trails of damp salty lust

follow me lover
make me sore.

DIH 11/21/18

Give Me

Someone took my hand

Held it close to my chest

My heart quickened, jumped and purred

Curled into a corner

content

Here it is…

Long waited for and

Desired

Warm against my breast

Exposed

Soft

Smooth

Plump

The hand slowly brushed a nipple

Following the contours to my neck

Finger by finger

Fred Astaire swept my earlobe between each digit

A low deep moan from within

I let this hand brush auburn locks

And trail a flushed cheek

I’ll allow it

Succumb to it

These fingers

Now fall upon

their own two lips.

DIH

10/25/18

Moonlight Passion

Close your eyes, he said.

Open your mind and find me.

hear me.

taste me.

Here offers me

Passion

Offer it to me again

Tell me of its power and slickness

How it moves our bodies and entwines the soul

Bring me back

Bring me down

Show me touch and let me slide into your arms again

My tongue is your master and your fingers, my slave

Once again

Show me passion

Something I have never known

Someone I have yet to feel

Be my passionate lover

Hold me when I’m scared

Be my friend lying in the field and dancing in the rain.

Slick, smooth, tightly held

Is this the beginning of a movement of two hearts?

Simply grasp it, stroke and remember.

It’s a start.

The Blackest Wings

 

 

 

 

I felt the blackest wings attach to my back this morning

I awoke with them, rose out of bed and felt them flutter

Heaviness, burden and foreboding

 

Warrior wings of archangels, now were mine

Not to possess, I knew that.

 

They had brought me a message

 

Something soon would approach

Something as heavy as those wings

Those invisible wings that I could feel, yet not see

For they were cloud like, pitch black smoke

 

I carried these wings for three days

Each day, they became lighter

The darkness fading, but still attached

 

They are with me now,

Protecting me and aiding in the battle ahead.

 

Their appearance confused me

But now I understand

My body is at war with itself

And I take my Vorpal Sword in Hand.

 

DIH 01/09/16

Tightrope

Tightrope

Smile the widest smile and laugh the loudest

Give until it hurts, because it will hurt

it always hurts.

Joke about your past mistakes and losses

Lighten the mood.

Slip in a true feeling, a simple one, ever so slightly, the smallest utterance.

So no one will notice.

Can’t be caught with emotions exposed

For they will rip them and tear them from you like a slaughtered lamb

And we can’t have that.

Never expose the true pain

Numb it with alcohol, pills, work

and hours of sleep.

Hide it inside, the raw feelings, failures and losses

About to burst.

Let no one see, let no one know

Lest it all goes… poof.

DIH 12/09/15

‘Tis Holiday Seasonal Disorder Time

‘Tis Holiday Seasonal Disorder Time

The sun sets sooner
The feelings dredge deeper
The scars resurface and the pain twinges in my head

These are the months of forced happiness and joy

Of family and money and abundance
For those who have it
Serving only as a reminder
For those who don’t

A staple in my foreskin
That I have none of these.
Happiness, family or joy
My dwelling echoes
reminds me I am alone

each sound resonates its hallow presence.

Time for forced smiles or selfies
Gifts wrapped in debt
Time to mingle amongst family and pretend you have a life.
Tables overflowing with meals slaved over in hot kitchens
For stressful family gatherings of suppressed anger.
Snow falls and we smile
Childhood memories of snowmen glint in our eyes.

While shovels full of the stuff
Pull our back muscles to spasms of pain.

This poems a downer

Where is the Joy of the Season?
Where is baby Jesus?
Where is my Xanax?

The Dark Days approach

And the sun sets sooner
And the food is abundant
And gluttony is king.

‘Tis the season to be greedy
‘Tis the season to be forgotten

‘Tis Holiday Seasonal Disorder time
Now, smile for the camera

10/25/15

DIH

When it comes

WHEN IT COMES

Will I be awake
When it comes

Will I be receptive
When it comes

Will it be too late
If it comes

Years of my life have past and I’ve never known it

A fluttering heart, a short breath, butterflies in my stomach

Attraction, chemistry

But only fleeting and never acted upon.

I have had one chance at its arrival
Naive and scared, I pursued it
And failed

So I ran from the possibility
Not sure of the signals and feelings of the one involved
I ran

Never knowing passion
Never knowing lust

No orgasmic trips into pleasure
And I have tried many times.

More failure.

What am I missing?
What am I doing wrong?
Is it ALL me?

Time is growing shorter and I am still waiting.

Am I foolish?
Am I still naive at almost 50?

Part of me wants to close the doors
Lock the knees and give up
I’ve been listening to this voice
I think it’s true.

I missed it
When it came
And I have never cum.

DIH 08/5/2015

Nothing too see here, move along

I rip me to shreds
On a permanent basis

Leave nothing but flesh and soul and pain

Not loving yourself is easy
When no one loves you

Dreading the evenings
Because it always brings tears
’cause the loneliness never ends

The list begins:
I hate you, you’re ugly, look at those thighs
I’m lonely, I’m crazy and alone I will die

When I look in the mirror, I duck
physically dodge my own reflection
scared, terrified and invisible

Nothing to see here, move along.

Dih
6/2015

As it slips

Sticky floors with shuffling feet
Walkers adorned with tennis balls parade in my path
I am kind to the elderly

As I slip closer towards them

Today I was declared a member of the no-flow club
Not even 50 and I’m in menopause

My reproductive organs never had a chance
I learned a year ago

Endometriosis, tumors, irregular menstrual flows
All the signs were there since it all began

Never practiced safe sex, even before AIDS
And still no children

Could never afford a GYN
And the ones in the clinic, treated you like a side of beef

My experiences at being a woman are minimal
I have… had the working or semi-working parts
I understood the biology
But, I could never produce the prodigy.

Now I feel old age slipping upon me

I will die and no one will know I even took one breath

As it slips closer to me
I try not to fall into worthlessness

One ovary, 1/2 a fallopian tube
And one unused uterus,
Set out on the curb

So, what does that make me
Less of a woman? The old maid downstairs?

As it slips closer towards me
Like those shuffling feet in the walkers
My mind flushes with possibilities

That don’t belong to me.

DIH 4/22/2015

Between the Meds

What step comes next, between the meds
I awake, I take a pill
I eat, I take more pills

Now I have to fill the time, between the meds
Or rather pills

Waiting.
Waiting for the moment when the medications ‘click’
And I can function
Or at least cope.

Its noon,
Time for more pills.
Drink lots of water this time, to help them go down
Can’t dehydrate, makes things worse

Sip, sip, glug
no more pills

Between the meds
Filling time with thought and action
Ideas and people

Oh yeah, and doctor’s appointments

therapy, pdoc
That’s psychiatrist for short, if you don’t know

I’ve tried it the other way

You feel your mind torn from itself
Not in a spiritual way, but rather a bloody crash into madness

So much confusion, so much suffering and inner screams.

I can never go back to that, that’s not filling time
That’s not living

It’s a horror movie looped in time-lapse

It may seem like I’m just filling time and not living it
But without the pills,
I wouldn’t even have this option.

DIH