When it fails


When it fails

Closed eyes, open mouth

silent screams.

Clutching pillows and rocking in bed.

This is where I run too, when it fails.

 

No one to call,

No one to talk too,

No one who will listen or understand.

 

My bed.

This is where I run too, when it fails.

 

Holding on and sleeping only for a moment

Wanting to sleep the days and weeks away

Wishing for a coma induced existence

Just to wake up to the scorched mind which lives in your head

 

Pills.

This is where I run too, when it fails.

 

Back to sleep, back to darkness, back to nothing

I need this

I can’t find a solution to the scattered thoughts otherwise.

 

So when it fails,

all the therapy and medication and coping tricks.

I take a handful of these, cross my heart and hope.

Maybe I’ll wake up and maybe I won’t, at this moment, nothing matters more than

Escape.

 

When all else fails and I know nothing said or done will change what I feel

When it fails.

 

5/31/14

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